No matter where we turn, there are particular expectations on how one should exist in this world. However, where do these “expectations” come from? Initially, we might think it comes from things like:
” My Father always said girls should always be polite.”
” My Grandmother was adamant about folding all the clothes before putting them away.”
” Kids have to get up earlier to have 10 minutes of reading time before school if they want to get in a good college.”
The problem is, all of these statements put the onus on outside influences when in actuality, self reflection and ownership may be the cure.
Once we become aware of these truths, we are no longer
naive. And when we know better, why not do better?
External Expectation Triggers to Watch For
- Many times when we are indecisive it is because we are fearing potential judgement. We lack the confidence in our own decision making process.
- Depression comes from being overwhelmed. Never saying “no” to others creates the atmosphere for physical and mental exhaustion.
- Unexplained Anger
- Unexplained anger comes from holding in the fact that you didn’t like something you initially said yes to, voluntarily or involuntarily. In other words, resentment.
- Not always, but if you are going shopping, drinking, doing drugs or hanging out on social media more than you usually do, this could be a sign. Are you searching for validation through your vices?
- Sleeping Patterns
- Are you sleeping to avoid interaction or unable to sleep because of a racing mind?
When you start to see any of these behaviors dominate your days, it’s time to stop and check in with yourself.
How To Release Yourself From External Expectation
- Connect with your spiritual side
- Have you read your Bible or done things such as meditate or workout recently? How about a work out Yoga? If you are answering no to these, this would be a great place to start. Many times, God will speak to you in these moments because that could possibly be the only time you can truly hear from Him when you life is overly busy. Fifteen minutes a day can be life changing.
- Habit Tracking
- Use the above list of triggers to track your moods and behaviors. This will give insight as to what is affecting you the most. Grab your free Habit Tracker here. I like to put it in my planner so that I don’t forget to fill it out daily.
- Nothing beats talking with a therapist you can trust. For many years I avoided going and I’m not sure why. Trust me, you’ll be so happy once you go. Having a non-biased opinion really helps to bring perspective to any situation and helps with self-awareness.
- Journaling is almost just as good as an actual therapist (and a lot cheaper). Essentially, the biggest difference is the dialogue. However, depending on the situation it may be enough to physically write your thoughts just to get them out of your head.
- Use a paper planner
- Using a paper planner gives me purpose (even though it seems like such a small thing). Feeling organized on a daily basis helps to create confidence. I also read that having a plan/strategy in today’s world is enough to catapult you when compared with others who don’t have a plan, no matter your IQ. Check out these websites for some great planners and planning ideas: Hobonichi, The Bullet Journal and Day Designer
- Start a list of all the things that make you uniquely happy
- Sometimes we need to remind ourselves of how special we truly are and how intelligent God is. He has created us to walk, talk and contribute to the world. How amazing is that? Take those things that give you #oddlysatisfying vibes and move forward! For instance, I find ridiculous happiness in watching time lapse nature videos!
- Find your Tribe
- Do you know who your Tribe is? Your Tribe will consist of others that find solace and growth in the same things you do. When you find your tribal family, you will find kindness, hope and inspiration. My Tribe is earthy introverted nerds who love to do Yoga and order Japanese Stationery. Weird, I know. But the people in my “Tribe” constantly complement me, challenge me and inspire me in so many ways. Tribes, getchu one!
Do you have any experience growing in this area that you can share with others? Also, let me know what your Tribe is, I’d love to know!
All the best,